Our family has experienced some devastating losses recently and initially I found peace in supporting and being strong for others. I was proud of myself because I usually don’t handle death well, but I found that when I was supporting and encouraging others it took my mind off the grief and made me feel good. Plus it made me happy to see that my efforts were easing the hurt of my loved ones. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I can’t run from the grieving process. Although I was able to be somewhat strong initially, I learned that eventually grief will catch up with you no matter what. I’d be fine for days and finally get a moment of silence or solitude and completely break down. Also initially I was extremely angry, so my initial tears were more of hurt and frustration. When the pain and sadness kicked in it was just overwhelming. I knew everyone else around me was hurting, so I didn’t want to burden them with my feelings or trigger them on a “good day”.
Some time has passed and although I’m still learning which coping mechanisms work best for me, I can say that I am doing better. One coping mechanism that I like is exercise. It allows me to release my frustrations in a positive manner and hopefully it will result in a nice body for the summer. Another mechanism that works well is talking through my feelings out loud. Even if I’m not actually talking to another person, just releasing my thoughts and feelings is therapeutic and helps a lot. The third mechanism that I’ve been using is the one that is the easiest for me. It is staying busy. The more I stay occupied, the less time I have to focus on the grief.
Through this process I’m also learning to accept that it’s ok to experience emotions and have thoughts that are new for me. What I mean by that is that although these emotions are new, it doesn’t make them wrong and it doesn’t mean I’m wrong for feeling them. I’m typically a happy and optimistic person and dealing with these recent devastating events so close together, has resulted in some dark days and thoughts from me. Initially I felt really guilty and confused about my feelings but a good friend reminded me that grief doesn’t have a perfect reaction or remedy. My friend told me to feel what I feel when I feel it and be unapologetic about it. We all grief differently and in our own time.
Overall, this has and is definitely a life changing experience for me. Although I’ll always be here to support my loved ones through these trying times, I’ve learned that I have to allow myself to grief and be supported as well. I’ve found coping mechanisms that are working well for me and I also have to realize that these feeling won’t just “go away”. I’ll probably never be the same me again, but I’m hopeful that these losses will somehow make me a better me. I’m learning to be grateful for everything that I have and all the amazing people in my life. I’ve learned to be intentional in everything that I do and NEVER to take anything or anyone for granted.
Thank you for allowing me to share my journey and my experiences with you. This has by far been my hardest post, so I appreciate your indulgence. Peace and Many Blessings
-Modern Mom on the Move
Mark your calendars…the Modern Mom on the Move Conference will be held May 6, 2017!!!!